Hydie !

In crazy times when i don’t know which city i have arrived from when am approaching the baggage belt and when out-of-office assistant messages just won’t keep my inbox from overflowing, i am still compelled to write about this 1.5 days which took about 3 months of planning to materialize and about a month to create a blog-post about ! Most memorable take-aways from those 36 hours have been about Airport Mishaps and the much-awaited 2-hour night out 

FROM my name being called out for boarding due to excessive chit-chatting and taking for granted the non-timeliness of non-Indigo airlines, TO re-juggling a whole bunch of baggage just 'cos ur not allowed to carry more than 50ml of shampoo! Boo-Hoo to airline hand-baggage rules, do they really expect you to pour exactly 10 drops of shampoo required for your trip ?? or do they really expect you to check-in just one bottle of shampoo and wait endlessly for it to crawl by at the baggage belt ?? Oh, and dare i forget the ATR we made a mockery out of, by declaring it didn’t even need a pilot for how small it was and how even the slightest of clouds would make us feel like an earthquake inside !

Having manipulated a lot of people to make our dates of travel to hydie co-incide, me and my friend were seriously looking forward to hanging-out at the most happening joints all for a good two hours... :) We had quizzed atleast a gazillion people who suggested a gazillion places and all this atleast 2 months prior to the trip. Though we did end up going to a decent place, we were too tired to make the most of night-out which was the sole reason of all this endless planning. Like they say, anything too well thought of never seems to work !! And so, even though I did zilch of the touristy things, it still turned out to be a lotta fun !

For the love of Numbers !

What goes around, definitely does come around especially in the case of numbers...! Off-late i 've had to go back to basics with maths, and it brought back spine-chilling childhood memories. Though these aptitude exams claim to test high-school arithmetic and algebra, they seem soo gruelling after we get all rusty with our mundane work lives! But this makes me wonder, why haven't we got more creative with framing problems, why have we always dealt with the exact same situation, like :

• Why are people constantly driving towards or opposing each other ? Also, even if they are, why are they perpetually driving at different average speeds !!!!


• Why are ladders slanted against walls ? (always ?, really? so they form right angles, could we please innovate with creating more right-angled situations)


• Why are people buying oranges and apples in specific ratios?


• Why is everyone thinking of relative speed when rowing upstream/downstream, just enjoy your damn boating expedition !


• If i do organize a party at home, and god forbid with a circular table for seating, i would really let the guests sit where they want without thinking about how many ways i could seat them !!


• Why is that multiple people are working on building a wall, painting, paving a road etc, and each one necessarily works at a different rate ?

Sigh !!

Vixen Parables

The term “metro-sexual” man totally has me mind-boggled. Is he the one who is allowed to flirt-ogle-drool all he can? Or wear pink and get away with it? Or the on who gets to sleep over at his female friends place claiming they are “jus-good-friends”. I have had quite a few hilarious escapades with the Indian male tiger (especially the ones prowling our urban jungles).

Modesty is definitely considered a virtue by me, but a single independent pretty woman is never deprived of attention in this city.Considering my life style is most conducive for encounters with this species, I’ve frequented parties citing social obligations to bid farewell or congratulate or welcome a friend and have ended up distributing my number like flyers to friends of friend because you don know what to say to “Can I have your number please?” You could probably be downright cheesy to say “Yeah, you could, if you guessed all ten digits” but you wouldn’t want to offend the Friend. The “known” guy-friends are no less in coming up with evidently made-up “Cooks’ called in sick today. Why don’t you invite me over for dinner?” They exemplify the term knowledge is power with lines like “I know you hate coffee. Why don’t we meet over green tea instead??” Fashion big-wigs declared fuschia to be in vogue in Fall 07-08, and I happened to just be one of those fashion slaves who pave way for more fashion trend setters to earn their living. And I decided to team a black outfit with fuschia shoes for a Movie screening at Zenzi. So what is with men wanting to know about this? Aren’t they supposed to discuss spokes on football shoes? ‘Hey! Great pink shoes’ exclaimed someone. Arrrrgghhhh!!! Dude, the Diors’ and Giovannis’ would have turned in their graves then! Alcohol is a guy’s best friend when it comes to asking a girl out and when it turns sour, blames it on intoxication in a desperate bid for normalcy! “I am sorry about last night’s messages. Too many vodka shots!!” “Did I just ask you out last night?? Sorry, but I sent the message to the wrong number!!” Workplace men are a different league altogether, mind you, only in their ways and not their intent! This weirdo I was sharing desk space with (whom I have NEVER interacted with) once exclaimed loudly to no one in particular “Bright sunny day ain’t it??” I bit my tongue before I could retort “Get a Life!!!” Yet another time, I entered a conference late and in denims with a casual tee only to face comments like “I thought you entered the wrong conference hall” not to mention the bold wink it came with! On a second thought, maybe all these actions really do help every woman with her million dollar question of “Is he Mr. Right” “Or at least, Is it Mr. Wrong worth going through the trouble anyway???” Moreover suggestive compliments are never unwelcome in the Venus-influenced women’s life !!! ;)

Indian idiosyncrasies

Busy bustling road, a banyan tree unnoticed, coffee shop bursting with ever-so-boisterous teenagers, office goers slamming cab doors to vent out what they went through during the day. Amidst all this, an ordinary looking man, (could belong to any profession, really!! Listing ones most popular in that area, broker, RBI clerk, church gate staff, just anyone!), takes out this idol and photograph of a saintly looking man (read heavily bearded) and guess what! He begins performing poojas and singing bhajans for it with incense sticks and all the paraphernalia, looked like he was absolutely prepared to pull off this stunt…. Soon, people started gathering around him, hopeful street children started clapping, ever-so-inquisitive firangs who looked in amusement (everything in India seems to amuse them !!!!), the youth leaving the coffee shop looked skeptically, all the office-goers seemed to offer their salutations, and all of this WITHOUT once questioning who was being worshipped or who began the whole charade ! tsk-tsk !!

Grocers vs. Lock-Makers

I cannot help but draw parallels between corporate-ism and the Art of War. This is one of those corporate anecdotes that happened when one company (Grocers’) went to the other (Lock-makers’) to sell its services and I thought this was best blogged about. Drama of this kind is not unknown in most professional lives.

Grocers vs. Lock-Makers

Grocers move into enemy territory when the gates open and the gongs sound and the grocer team enters in 5 cars, each bigger and better than the other with the chief grocer leading the rest. Lock-makers await them at battleground. Grocers seemed to be particularly pleased with themselves for having “cracked” the lock-makers flaws and needs.
Grocers begin warfare with shooting arrows of current capabilities and clients. (Trying to emphasize the fact that with lock-makers’ 100 yrs of existence, they never diversified into these fronts, not that grocers were doing it, but isn’t corporate world one big farce??)... Lock-makers show an expression of shock at the volumes grocers handle. Grocers score.
1-0
Grocers continue with varied forms of attack, pause for effect on the technologies implemented (though most of it could have very well been in the pen and paper stages!!!), but it drew gasps of ambush from the lock-makers… (Something that they read about being implemented in the far far West, was being done here?? in the land of elephants and snake-charmers??) Grocers score again.
2-0
Now, Lock-makers pull their socks up, and counter attack, saying, they have approached many like the grocers’, and have rejected them due to cost constraints (Definitely, These dinosaurs would be doing business with skeleton-like cost structures – Grocers smirked !!) This is when Grocers’ put down their trump card and declare all that they know about Lock-makers (mostly putting down structure of what-is-where, who-does-what, number-of-who’s, who-could-help-who etc.) Lock-makers surrender, and declare Grocers victorious, for Lock-makers had tapped Grocers doors’ for services and not the other way round.
3-0
Grocers declare Lock-makers as allies and look for future “co-operation” (Read business/cash inflow) and leave jubilantly out of the now-allies’ gates.

Chick flicks et al.

Don't you think one and a quarter days is consolation for a WEEKEND... I mean, what ever happened to rejoicing on Friday as if it was some sort of a festival...????Friday has lost its charm and so has Saturday mornings...Its annoying to wake up when the rest of the world is tucked away warmly in dreamland!
Anyways, with all that self-pity, began the Saturday evening, and I had become a Zen Buddhist in not expecting any fun. Meeting up for a coffee with a bunch of giddy-heads to discuss the love-life of every person we ever-knew was about enough energy I thought I could muster after a hard days work (phew!) Sudden change of planetary motion and we headed out for a stay over.
This one brought back college hostel memories when staying up till 4 am was the norm, and not a soul would dare wander about during the day. Fighting for pillows and cozying up with warm soup, we began watching 'Raising Helen', debating on how difficult we were as adolescents. Which was followed by more commercial breaks, more channel squabbles and we settled to watch 'Legally Blond’; By now, the continuum of absolutely non-cryptic, laughable and don’t-expect-logic kinda movies were growing on us to the extent that we made a plan to wake up at 7 and go for 'what happens in Vegas' at 'red lounge'(which I assumed no one would be able to wake up for and would be canned eventually). Come 7 am, everyone shocked me with being wide-awake. My only way out to sleep some more was complaining about how I have earned my Sunday and threw a tantrum about not wanting to wake up which failed and I had to whine my way to Red lounge.
Red lounge is one theatre that completely pampers you with uber-comfortable recliners and blankets, in their attempt to make you feel like it was your living room you were watching a movie in (and I must say, they more than succeeded at this)! Popcorn and coke for breakfast, we were all set Americans a run for their money! And 'Vegas' was a total entertainer, made me smile smugly and exclaim aloud 'Ah! Chick Flicks’.
In all, I pronounce chick flicks as the ultimate cure to shrunken weekends! (Note: more effective when watched back-to-back and effects improve with excess dosage)

Ode To Bombay - Part 1

There are certain things that Bombay-ites do that are so typical of them. And this typical Bombay-like behavior extends to every aspect in life, right from travelling (oh, the “locals”), being a “townie”, eating out, hitting the “suburbs”, being in “FYJC”(for all us non-bombay-ites that’s First Year Junior College), being star struck, living in “spacious” pigeonholes (paying a bomb for rent), to chilling at the “sit-out” area of any joint rather than in the air-conditioned section no matter how humid the weather is.
I’d rather divide my woes in parts and narrate it aspect-wise. To begin with, Travelling by the local trains in Bombay can teach you lessons of life that no religion or art of living classes could. Church gate station has to be a land mark in the lives of all travelers across bombay. You could find all kinds of people in the same predicament as yours and you consider the local train "empty" when you find a spot for your two feet to stand on. As soon as the announcement is made as to what kind of train is arriving, they would position themselves exactly where they predict that the train would stop (They would more often than not, make the perfect prediction with this). They would rush into a train the moment it hits a platform, irrespective of how many people already occupy that coach. There is always more space “created” by pushing or squeezing people inside. And not to mention the people who travel with clinging on to windows, doors or any part of the train they could hold onto, as well some of them who travel on top of the train. If the Singaporeans ever saw that we not only travel in trains without automated doors, or announcement and safety systems, but we also travel with clinging on to the teeny-weeny bit of door we could hold onto and could fall into the tracks when someone would as much as breathe out, they would probably have a cardiac arrest right away.
If someone who got in would not have a place to sit and they invariably wouldn’t, they would question with all the authority, all the people seated as to where they were to get off, and would “reserve” that seat with typical hand gestures, first pointing at themselves and then the seat. Gosh!!! Catfights over the silliest of issues are an everyday affair. People would travel by the train and would expect comfort levels of an air craft. They would start tsk-tsk-ing if you as much as nudged them or stepped on their foot unintentionally. As the train nears its destination, the passengers would start peeping out to keep a watch for which platform it would halt at, so they are right at the door when it halts and don’t miss a single jiffy. They would instinctively know and sometimes it would be much before the driver himself would, as to where the train would halt. At that precise moment every single person occupying that coach would swiftly turn to face the door almost as if bound by a spell. They would leave late for work, but would more than make up for lost time with squeezing into a really crowded train, pushing their way through, and positioning themselves right at the door of the coach right when the train halts.
And like the observation goes, in any particular area in Bombay, if there were a line of people walking as though with a purpose, more often than not, they are headed towards the nearest station!!