Vixen Parables

The term “metro-sexual” man totally has me mind-boggled. Is he the one who is allowed to flirt-ogle-drool all he can? Or wear pink and get away with it? Or the on who gets to sleep over at his female friends place claiming they are “jus-good-friends”. I have had quite a few hilarious escapades with the Indian male tiger (especially the ones prowling our urban jungles).

Modesty is definitely considered a virtue by me, but a single independent pretty woman is never deprived of attention in this city.Considering my life style is most conducive for encounters with this species, I’ve frequented parties citing social obligations to bid farewell or congratulate or welcome a friend and have ended up distributing my number like flyers to friends of friend because you don know what to say to “Can I have your number please?” You could probably be downright cheesy to say “Yeah, you could, if you guessed all ten digits” but you wouldn’t want to offend the Friend. The “known” guy-friends are no less in coming up with evidently made-up “Cooks’ called in sick today. Why don’t you invite me over for dinner?” They exemplify the term knowledge is power with lines like “I know you hate coffee. Why don’t we meet over green tea instead??” Fashion big-wigs declared fuschia to be in vogue in Fall 07-08, and I happened to just be one of those fashion slaves who pave way for more fashion trend setters to earn their living. And I decided to team a black outfit with fuschia shoes for a Movie screening at Zenzi. So what is with men wanting to know about this? Aren’t they supposed to discuss spokes on football shoes? ‘Hey! Great pink shoes’ exclaimed someone. Arrrrgghhhh!!! Dude, the Diors’ and Giovannis’ would have turned in their graves then! Alcohol is a guy’s best friend when it comes to asking a girl out and when it turns sour, blames it on intoxication in a desperate bid for normalcy! “I am sorry about last night’s messages. Too many vodka shots!!” “Did I just ask you out last night?? Sorry, but I sent the message to the wrong number!!” Workplace men are a different league altogether, mind you, only in their ways and not their intent! This weirdo I was sharing desk space with (whom I have NEVER interacted with) once exclaimed loudly to no one in particular “Bright sunny day ain’t it??” I bit my tongue before I could retort “Get a Life!!!” Yet another time, I entered a conference late and in denims with a casual tee only to face comments like “I thought you entered the wrong conference hall” not to mention the bold wink it came with! On a second thought, maybe all these actions really do help every woman with her million dollar question of “Is he Mr. Right” “Or at least, Is it Mr. Wrong worth going through the trouble anyway???” Moreover suggestive compliments are never unwelcome in the Venus-influenced women’s life !!! ;)

Indian idiosyncrasies

Busy bustling road, a banyan tree unnoticed, coffee shop bursting with ever-so-boisterous teenagers, office goers slamming cab doors to vent out what they went through during the day. Amidst all this, an ordinary looking man, (could belong to any profession, really!! Listing ones most popular in that area, broker, RBI clerk, church gate staff, just anyone!), takes out this idol and photograph of a saintly looking man (read heavily bearded) and guess what! He begins performing poojas and singing bhajans for it with incense sticks and all the paraphernalia, looked like he was absolutely prepared to pull off this stunt…. Soon, people started gathering around him, hopeful street children started clapping, ever-so-inquisitive firangs who looked in amusement (everything in India seems to amuse them !!!!), the youth leaving the coffee shop looked skeptically, all the office-goers seemed to offer their salutations, and all of this WITHOUT once questioning who was being worshipped or who began the whole charade ! tsk-tsk !!

Ode To Bombay - Part 1

There are certain things that Bombay-ites do that are so typical of them. And this typical Bombay-like behavior extends to every aspect in life, right from travelling (oh, the “locals”), being a “townie”, eating out, hitting the “suburbs”, being in “FYJC”(for all us non-bombay-ites that’s First Year Junior College), being star struck, living in “spacious” pigeonholes (paying a bomb for rent), to chilling at the “sit-out” area of any joint rather than in the air-conditioned section no matter how humid the weather is.
I’d rather divide my woes in parts and narrate it aspect-wise. To begin with, Travelling by the local trains in Bombay can teach you lessons of life that no religion or art of living classes could. Church gate station has to be a land mark in the lives of all travelers across bombay. You could find all kinds of people in the same predicament as yours and you consider the local train "empty" when you find a spot for your two feet to stand on. As soon as the announcement is made as to what kind of train is arriving, they would position themselves exactly where they predict that the train would stop (They would more often than not, make the perfect prediction with this). They would rush into a train the moment it hits a platform, irrespective of how many people already occupy that coach. There is always more space “created” by pushing or squeezing people inside. And not to mention the people who travel with clinging on to windows, doors or any part of the train they could hold onto, as well some of them who travel on top of the train. If the Singaporeans ever saw that we not only travel in trains without automated doors, or announcement and safety systems, but we also travel with clinging on to the teeny-weeny bit of door we could hold onto and could fall into the tracks when someone would as much as breathe out, they would probably have a cardiac arrest right away.
If someone who got in would not have a place to sit and they invariably wouldn’t, they would question with all the authority, all the people seated as to where they were to get off, and would “reserve” that seat with typical hand gestures, first pointing at themselves and then the seat. Gosh!!! Catfights over the silliest of issues are an everyday affair. People would travel by the train and would expect comfort levels of an air craft. They would start tsk-tsk-ing if you as much as nudged them or stepped on their foot unintentionally. As the train nears its destination, the passengers would start peeping out to keep a watch for which platform it would halt at, so they are right at the door when it halts and don’t miss a single jiffy. They would instinctively know and sometimes it would be much before the driver himself would, as to where the train would halt. At that precise moment every single person occupying that coach would swiftly turn to face the door almost as if bound by a spell. They would leave late for work, but would more than make up for lost time with squeezing into a really crowded train, pushing their way through, and positioning themselves right at the door of the coach right when the train halts.
And like the observation goes, in any particular area in Bombay, if there were a line of people walking as though with a purpose, more often than not, they are headed towards the nearest station!!